spectral

i've been sick with this stupid cold for about a week; this is getting to be really strange, because i'm never this sick for this long. i'm seldom sick for long, and until this year, i never even really got sick that often. i need to do something to improve my immune system when i finally get fully well again, I suppose. I'd much much much rather be healthy.

i only have to do a little more writing tonight before i go to bed yay

oh hey

wow. this blag is so neglercted.
between xkcd and Homestar, I think i have adequate reason to mispronunce things.
but probably only when i type. in real life, it's kinda weird. it could be funny, i guess.

anyway, I'm waiting to see if my brother needs me to get him from the Pennsylvania Rennaissance Faire. i'm kinda sad that i didn't make it over there for the whole day; it's unbelievably gorgeous outside. but, oh well. going for a long drive and getting some fresh aire might help my throat-cold. which hassled me ALL DAY YESTERDAY AND TODAY. so annoying.

siiigh. but life is so so so great. ;)

books won't leave me alone.

or, my roommate and his girlfriend and i are watching the Pagemaster.
and i work in two different book-oriented establishements.
STOP IT WITH ALL THE BOOKS.

but it's okay. i just need some more food. luckily, i have some. not too many sodium-filled or sugary snacks. or any snack-like foods at all, really. but, it's still okay.

whoa

almost a month since i wrote here. odd for me, eh?
i'm about to make some eggs. i feel bad for forgetting that i had them.

i've been making more money than normal, and it's tough for me to not just impulsively buy stuff that i need/want, as i did tonight after work.
that's the thing about working in a bookstore. the stuff that you spend the most time with is all pretty much irresitible.

anyway. i need those eggs, and i must fight some illness i may be regaining. ugh.

running a bath. so that i can hold my head beneath it.

my. goodness.

tomorrow, i start my second year (out of three in which i am trying to complete a four-year degree) at a small state-school in Pennsylvania. i have been working in the textbook store on-campus.
and i am exhausted.
sure i may be less broke than i was in the past few weeks, but, if i have any time or energy, i doubt i'll be using it for anything besides sleeping (however much sense THAT makes.)

anyway, my apartment is also more or less in the immigrant-ridden part of town, which is amazing. it's really like one of the biggest exercises in out-of-comfort-zone i've ever had in my entire life. i'm going to need to be learning a bit of spanish, though, regardless.

and i'm generally just learning about sacrifices as i go. because if i'm worth the sacrifice of a life of a perfect man, why should i not be able to sacrifice my imperfect self for others?

claim

i've been sleeping at nights on top of my comforter, beneath only an afghan or two. couldn't tell you why, but it's true.

i've been leaving every morning by quarter after seven to be at work by eight. so evidently, i'll have to leave soon.

i feel like the rest of my summer should've been like this. but maybe it shouldn't've.

yawn yawn

i actually like my 8am to 2pm shift, despite how my lack of car complicates my family's life.
although, i guess the fact that i'm making money is a justifaction for all of that.
actually, that's just about the only justifaction they would accept, i'm sure.

and i think that i want less of my life to be centered on money.
or maybe not so much "centered on" as "concerned with" or "worried about"
because, you know, there's college, and given the way things are, that's not free (which i guess is partially my own fault, too) and then rent, food, and then pretty much just luxuries. or, that's my current personal budget. i'm sure that once i get my next car, i'll cut back significantly on the rest of my luxuries.

then again, i may not have a clue as to what my money does for me. i clearly have no control over much of it.

grog

i'm thinking i would've liked to go to church this morning. i didn't, though, because i overslept a bit too far.
and aside from that, i have conflicting feelings about being absent from church on sundays. but then again, huge amounts of space can take up (and surely have taken up) discussion about such things, and i'm really not in any sort of position of authority on scripture, so i tend to speak/write sparingly, in that vein.

i'm still tired, too. or, tired again? i can't tell.

Psalm 144 is excellent.

and velvet shining all along the way. or something.

i'm .3 of the way through my summer musical performances.
those of you who may have been there last night; thanks. =)
i still don't know why anyone would WANT to talk to our music director though. no matter.

is there any reason why i'm so weird?

deficience / abundance

and balance.

i love yogurt.
actually, let's face it, i love food. i think i'm going to have a real dinner tonight, after having said yogurt. cuz i'm still pretty hungry, and i have real food. so, let's do that. yes.

haaaa.

i guess that's all. nothing else is really ... i dunno, notable.
notable.
not able.
no table.
not a ble.

wow

the amount of earwax that comes out of my ears is ABSURD.

i've been playing a LOT of Star Wars Bounty Hunter.

My flow of money may be picking up.

I like having only ONE class. at eight in the morning. in the summer.

i like how my parents still get me food. they're awesome.

this one-line-paragraph thing is retarded, sorry i did it.

Eighty

okay, so, this is one of the best weekends i've had in some time.
which really makes me wonder, am i being selfish when i say that? maybe slightly, but overall, given the amount of stress and just general calamity that have gone into my last few weekends, this one, so far, is being pretty tight.

of course, how it works, now that i've said that, it's going to go down paths that i don't like in the next few hours.

this weekend is miserable! i hate it!
(just to be safe)

the biggest thing is i haven't been to work yet. i OUGHT to be irritated about this, but even going TO work is such a hassle that it's really nice to not have to do it at all. I do kinda need a little more money though, if i'm supposed to, you know, eat.

i'm about to be productive and do some writing/research for my classes (both of which end on thursday. huzzah)

time

i cannot get my mp3 playing device to connect to amarok.
and this does not sit well with me. it kinda actually undermines everything i've ever thought of amarok...
okay, no it doesn't.
but still, it's the best program i can use, and what's it doing for me? nothing...
that's not true either really, i like how it populates my last.fm profile so nicely and without trouble.

i'm sure this all has something to do with the fact that i'm using an older version of the software that's not even supposed to be used on this kernel of ubuntu. i might be wrong, but i think amarok 2 handled my device the right way.
if i only i could have the two versions coexist. wow, that'd be so great. alas.

flossing is a ridiculously great thing to do.

similar difference.

i just spent the better part of two minutes trying to write about the title of this post, which is now not even what it originally was.

anyway, i'm feeling really kinda cool with my mythology class.
my history class... well, i hope my first paper was satisfactory.

i just remembered that a really cool recent James Bond movie is on TV right now. and i wanted to watch it. hm. well, i've seen it before, i can afford to jump in later than the beginning.

on monday night, i bought two bags of rippled potato chips for five dollars, and i ate them all with little assistance from other people. but i just NOW finished them off. so, i guess that's something to be thankful for.

but, you know, that brings up something that's been occuring to me with a refreshing amount of frequency as of late, which is that, financially, God's really been blessing me a lot. like, my parents are still graciously paying for this apartment (and next month is the final ridiculously-priced month) and after that, i wanted to live in the area on my own support, but that would be SO difficult. And my work situation is a little weird, and i'm not really able to work at my workplace at the moment, but i have gotten some money from it so far, and the fact that that money will probably (but as always, not definitely) sustain me for a while, if i'm prudent about it, is very comforting.
and i don't know how things will be after ... you know, next month, but ... i'm doing what i can to be faithful. and i think that the less i even so much as think about it, the sooner Christ will work it out. because it tends to be that i make things really drastically awful when i start trying to solve them prematurely.

i am so tired.

did it, didn't

i've undergone the only difficulties that i will have with bicycles for the forseeable future.
i got one from home, and the tires consequently turned out to be flat.
that bike was replaced (mostly in my absence) and that bike evidently came without any of the extremeties fastened on. (the seat and handlebars came loose within hours, give or take)

so i'm just gonna stick with good ole reliable WALKING

yeah.

cuz i start summer classes tomorrow and i will not put up with a lemon bicycle. a thing which i didn't even know existed.

fm > streaming. sometimes.

so, it seems to me like i tend to update when i'm at school, and not at home.
maybe it's just my imagination though. i should check.
anyway, i'm back here, eagerly anticipating just what the decision will be from the manager of this small restaurant in town, on whether or not they hire me.
which small restaurant?
this one.
please join with me in acknowledging how hilarious it would be if i were to work at such a place.
but i'm oddly optimistic about it, cuz i feel like i've already built up some rapport with the manager, who's young and busy and whatnot. so, like i said, i'm waiting, hoping that when she calls, she says "psh, yeah, of course you're hired."
but you can't guarantee any of that.
so here i am. being patient, faithful, trusting, and so forth.

and soon i'll do the other normal things that i do when i'm here and not taking classes.
(WHICH by the way, start right after memorial day)

discovery

a title which, fortunately, makes sense on multiple levels.

yeah, i'm sure i've written about this somewhere before, or at least talked about this to over a hundred dozen people, but, going through music that you heard in short order, distant in the past, is awesome. That is, when you've suddenly grown and matured and whatnot, and you listen to MORE of that particular music, and in a different way.

I do this with Jars of Clay ALL THE TIME

but i just recently acquired the full album of Commencement by Deadsy, which i'm sure isn't something that a lot of readers here would be into, but i personally think it's quite crazy. in a good way.

I also kinda have this happen with Dvorak every now and then, too. or maybe that's Tchaikovsky, i dunno. point being, it's a common phenomenon with me.

is everyone aware of everyone else's knowledge here?

occasionally, i like life.
then i have no classes and i LOVE it.
then something else happens and i feel worse than i did to begin with.
you maybe wondering "what are you even talking about?"
or just thinking "wow, and i thought I was messed up."
precisely.

... whatever the cost, thou hast taught me to say it is well, it is well with my soul ...
♫ ♥ blah blah

recalcitrance

ah nuts, i'd been forgetting to write here.

anyway...

i've probably walked a little more than mile today. and after i'm done stuff here at my place, i'm probably going to make the same walk again. ahhhhh. GREAT day for such a walk, yes? yes.

so, what else ... i'm finished with my classes. and by classes, i mean the time spent in a classroom receiving instruction. i now have four finals; one per day for the rest of the week. thereby giving me time to study and just generally DO stuff. like apply for work.

i'm SO ... ambivalent. ;)

PS what better time to have leftover ham than Swine Flu season?

collections

so, i'm sitting here, as usual, in my school's radio station.
we've got an annual battle of the bands tonight and i'm doing the last of tomorrow's homework now, so that i can stay up on the late side without worrying about repercussions that are too harsh.

standing in direct opposition to what i thought/wrote earlier today, i probably won't be able to squeeze a nap in. and i won't be getting much sleep tonight. ggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...

but life is still great. or at least marginally great.
and it'll only get better, i think.
siiiiigh.